Today is my big day! I’m finally going to do it! It’s been my dream ever since I was a child. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I’m becoming a thief.

I’ve read dozens of handbooks, watched hours of videos, and even consulted experts about proper preparations. I must tell some weren’t very keen on offering their advice and tips. Naturally, it’s a mastery and just like magicians they keep their secrets safe. After all, would they teach me too well, I’d become a threat very soon.

Anyway, being a thief takes a heck lot of practice. So today I took my mask, “suited up” and went to take position on the spot I chose after careful consideration. So here I was, in the dark narrow alley, waiting for my first victim. I took a deep breath and pulled the mask over my face. When I heard the first light steps I went all quiet and narrowed my eyes and played various scenarios in my mind. Just don’t mess things up. Be consistent, quick, and invisible.

Gradually, the target came into view! Oh, shit. I thought when I saw a little girl skip past me. She was carrying a little Winnie Pooh backpack on her tiny back. Her pink skirt was flipping around her legs, her white blouse was all crumpled. She might have been playing with her friends, the toys stuffed in the colourful backpack. There sat a cheerful smile on her face, she had a light step. Innocent, carefree, pure. I can’t possibly…I shook my head and decided to wait for somebody else. But this time no compromises, even if it were a one-legged, hunched up, pregnant woman! Ok, that was a bit…never mind. Let’s keep focused.

Some minutes passed and I finally heard the sound of high heels clopping. It’s surely going to be an uptown girl with daddy’s fat wallet. I rubbed my hands in anticipation. The sound drew closer, bringing more clinking – possibly that of some expensive jewellery. My first proper theft! I grew more and more nervous. Suddenly, crutch number one, followed by a foot in home slippers, crutch number two, the second foot. Her textile shopping bag was decorated in shiny, playful beads, buttons, jingles – probably her granddaughter decorated it for her to make her lonely days less gloomy, I thought. Her shaky hands were clutching onto the handles, she was balancing her hulking old body and the full shopping bag. She was breathing heavily, her sole existence seemed to be a huge struggle. Damn it! I gritted my teeth. This is such a waste… I leaned against the wall and pondered what to do. Now a cute puppy farting hearts runs past… I thought miserably. Hoping against hope I looked around the corner. Who I saw made my heart skip a beat!

The perfect target: a rich businessman, healthy, capable of fighting back, surely earning his money by unfair practices. He was groping for his ringing phone in his luxurious jacket and seemed to be in a hurry. Great! I couldn’t wish for a better distraction! He picked up a few meters ahead of my hiding.

“Yeah, Yeah, don’t worry,” he was saying. I looked around to make sure that there were no witnesses.

“Of course, sweetie. Daddy will be there on time. As promised!” he nodded enthusiastically.

My shoulders sank. There is a little princess waiting for him… So what! He surely has enough money! But his little princess needs a lot of things… oh, gosh. My internal struggle began. He was disappearing into the distance. I shook my head and pulled my mask off. It wasn’t yesterday, it isn’t today and it won’t be tomorrow. The right time for doing bad things that is.